Misunderstanding Your Dog Could be Making Him Aggressive
The dog may be man’s best friend, albeit a subordinate one, but to his credit our underdog (yes…pun intended) of a friend does have one significant advantage over us…and that is that dogs have a single universal language understood by dogs the world over. That is to say that a dog which travels from America to Africa would have no problem understanding what the dog from Africa is saying; something that certainly cannot be said for homo sapiens (human beings) and their plethora of languages and dialects! This extremely useful ability is a trait inherited by dogs from their wild ancestors, the wolf.
Even to this day, dogs and wolves are able to communicate exceptionally well if the occasion ever presented itself. Actually in some parts of the world livestock guardian dogs still have the odd encounter with wolves and in many such encounters rarely does it end in physical conflict for the reasons are outlined below.
For a wild animal such as the wolf, the ability to communicate properly with other members of its species is an invaluable and essential trait because it is through this means that unnecessary conflict is avoided. From the wolf’s perspective conflict is a counter-productive activity because it could very well result in serious injury to one of the individuals involved in the conflict. And injury in the wild is something best avoided because it could seriously undermine an animal’s ability to perform certain activities necessary for survival such as Hunting. And unlike us humans, in the wolf kingdom conflict is never associated with something as esoteric as saving face illustrating yet another reason why conflict is counterproductive.
Luckily the wolf has conferred that very same trait of conflict avoidance and conflict resolution down to the domestic dog, the only problem being that somewhere down the line, due to a number of factors, many of today’s dogs are no longer able to properly interpret many of the signals required to resolve or avoid conflict. Listed among those factors are improper socialization with other dogs, and socio-cultural confusion that may arise due to isolated interaction with only people.
Consider the following account; although not specically related to the topic of dogs, it does emphasize the importance of proper socialization no matter the species concerned!
For thousand of years rhinos and elephants have co-existed in harmony side by side on the plains of Africa. Both these large creatures are herbivores so neither predates on the other. Both animals possess enormous mass and enormous strength but overall the elephant considerably out matches the rhino in every aspect including intelligence. Recently researchers in the field have observed a very disturbing phenomenon. In increasingly more and more frequent occurrences, young adult bull elephants were attacking, killing and raping rhinos. Such bizarre and often fatal attacks were unheard of in the past.
Further investigation into this disturbing trend revealed that those young bulls perpetrating the attacks were doing so because they actually knew no better (something akin to a maladjusted and destructive teenager acting out; one who had no proper family social structure during the formative years).The reason why those elephants were behaving in the manner that they were was because they had never been properly socialized or taught correct elephant behavior. That unusually violent younger generation of elephants became that way because most of the older elephants that would have schooled them how to behave were no longer around to do so. Most of them had fallen prey to the harsh and cruel ivory trade!
Your Dog May Be Acting Out Because He Is Frustrated And Anxious!
But enough of elephants and back to our topic of dogs! Like the young bull elephants mentioned above many dogs today find themselves in a somewhat similar situation; unable to cope appropriately with the daily demands of everyday modern life. Such dogs tend to be aggressive both to people as well as to other dogs. Unlike the elephants however the maladjustment of such dogs cannot be blamed solely on improper parental socialization, or lack thereof as the case may be, and it is more likely that the cause of such errant misbehavior is due to a stressful and frustrating relationship with the owner of the dog.
When you talk to your dog although you are communicating with him/her you evidently aren’t talking “dog speak or dog lingo”. When your dog “talks” to you (barking, whining, growling etc) he is communicating with you to the best of his abilities but in his own language of dog speak. A livestock guarding dog communicates with its wards (for example a flock of sheep) in a similar fashion, and although the two species do not speak the same “dialect” they can still communicate with one another. If the livestock guardian dog could not communicate with its flock then it would be unable to control and protect them.
Lost In Translation
Miscommunication between owner and dog is probably the single biggest reason that the sweetest of dogs becomes a nuisance overnight! I mean imagine how you would feel every time you tried to communicate with your so-called best friend (dog’s owner) and all you got in return for your efforts was a disapproving glare, harsh words and a scolding! Think of how a child would respond to such parenting…not good right? There’s a very good chance that somewhere down the line that child is going to start acting out. So it isn’t too far of a stretch to see how your frustrated misunderstood dog could also start acting out; in many cases such acting out will manifest as an overly aggressive dog.
The real tragedy of this situation is that many dog owners are unaware that far too often they are completely misinterpreting their dog’s responses to any given request. You see other than the obvious forms of vocalizations that dogs commonly exhibit, such as barking, whining, growling, yelping etc., dogs actually possess a myriad of signals that make up a good potion of their everyday vocabulary. Unfortunately your average dog owner is completely clueless of this unvocalized “dogspeak” so that when he or she tells their dog to do something and the dog in turn responds in doggie lingo with an unvocalized response which happens not to be the desired response the owner was looking for, and so the owner responds in a harsh scolding voice BAD DOG!
More about the dog
Kayye Nynne
http://www.articlesbase.com/pets-articles/misunderstanding-your-dog-could-be-making-him-aggressive-723049.html
Is this passive-aggressive? And how do I deal with my ex who acts this way?
My ex and the father of my 3 year old son seems like the nicest guy you’d ever meet. He’s charming, charismatic, bubbly, out-going, has a great sense of humor (sarcastic sense of humor). But now I’m finally seeing that his "friendliness" is just a fake mask he wears so that he can get back at me, or others, in passive ways and not have to deal with it.
An example is that he always drops our son off late. We agreed to 7:00 pm and even though he sends a text saying "no problem" or "sounds great!" he will, without fail, arrive at 7:30. 7:45, 8:00 and then feign stupidity, confusion, say that he "misunderstood" or make up a lame excuse… but all the while you can tell he doesn’t care and is out right disrespectful, but SUPER FRIENDLY AND NICE to your face.
On Sunday we texted and I explained that I’d like to have our son dropped off by 7:00 so that we could do his bedtime routine and have him in bed shortly after 8:00 to keep him on a schedule. I explained this because even though I have in the past and he agrees it doesn’t seem to happen. So I was trying to be nice and explain in detail one more time why and come to an agreement. His response was, "Ok, I will pay more attention to that and respect it." Well, last night he dropped him off at nearly 8:00 at my parents house. I forwared the texts showing the time we agreed on and his comment that he would respect it, then sent a message saying that I did so to remind him of the time we agreed on and hope that we’re on the same page now. To which he responded in text with "Ok I’m Sorry! Time just flys".
I’m getting so angry. And I’m so tired of having to address his disrespectful behavior. How should I deal with him always being late and always saying things he doesn’t follow through on. I used to get angry and argue with him (the reason he said he left me) but I noticed this made things go no-where and he would annoyingly play innocent and I would look like the "mean one".
Advice on how to get these passive-aggressives back at their own game and actually get somewhere in communication with them!?
Ouragon, trying to have your persepective in our relationship is what kept me there and miserable for 10 years. I thought that since he was so "nice" that I should keep a proper perspective on the situation and cut him some slack in other areas. The truth is I was allowing myself to be disrespected. Not healthy.
If you want him home by 7 tell him to be there at 6.
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For the next three visits – start calling him every half hour starting at 5 p.m. to remind him…or text or whatever…see if being an thorn in his side helps remind him of the time.
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The best thing you can do is consult an attorney – legal aid if you can’t afford one. This is more a question of control because he controls you by his actions. Ask an attorney about supervised visits at your house until he learns to follow the rules, and if the visitation is agreed between the two of you without the court being involved, get the court involved and a written ruling that he can either obey or ignore and be punished for ignoring.
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Most men like to keep control of their ex-wives by using the children. Don’t let him have any control. Tell him you want your son home by 6 and then give him until seven and tell him that unless he phones you and tells you why he can’t make 7, you will assume he is kidnapping your son and you will call the authorities and report him missing.
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Maybe you need to go and get this agreement court ordered, if he goes against the court order he can get him self in trouble for being non- conpliant!! I totally understand your concerns, have been there and now that i have court order things have definately smoothed out!! Good luck to you and i hope things get better!!
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You say he never honored this in the past. You say, "I used to get angry and argue with him." Do you think he’ll change to please you now?
My ex couldn’t be on time for anything. He travels for a living and misses planes regularly. In every other way he’s a great dad and a fine man. I am 100% prompt. I’ve really never been late for anything. It drives me crazy that he’s always late, but it did when we were married, and I never changed him. I doubt I can change him now. I accept who he is and focus on how good he is to my child, and even me.
I’m trying to say, you divorced this man because you couldn’t live with him. Don’t expect him to suddenly be better. Appreciate what’s good about him and let the rest go (within reason).
You know, it’s infinitely more important that your son be loved by his dad than be in bed on time. Perspective is important.
EDIT: Well, it works for me.
If you figure out a way to make another person change, let me know. I think your expectations are unrealistic here. Don’t you think you stood a better chance of making him respect you in the marriage than you do now? Yet you couldn’t make him change then.
I don’t need my ex to respect me (though actually, he does) because I respect myself.
Where does," getting back at," him come to play in a mutually respectful relationship?
Best of luck.
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He is absolutely doing this deliberately. No question about it. You can try suggesting 6 PM, when you want 7 PM, however if he figures out what you really want, he is likely to find a way to "accidentally" mess up. If it was "just" the two of you in head to head conflict I would suggest doing somethings to mess up his schedule.
Sadly a child is involved, so you need to continue to be the adult. The real problem here is that he is angry at you. I am not saying that is fair. It likely isn’t. But until he gets past that he is going to keep "punishing" you for whatever he thinks you did to him.
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